Character Motivations

 I am sorry. I don't normally miss doing my weekly blog. I've been having worse than normal headaches hitting, so I decided to take last week off. I feel so much better for the time spent off. 

However, I'm not here to dwell on that. So this week, I want to talk about something near and dear to my heart that I haven't talked about in a while.

Motivations.

In my estimation, as an author, there is nothing quite as important to the construction of a novel as your character motivations. If the reason your character is doing something isn't well thought out or the answer comes down to some version of "they have to for plot reasons", then that isn't a good motivation. Think about changing your plot if you can't make the motivations work, or changing the character if you really need one who will work in your plot better. Why? Well, I find that it is usually incorrectly motivated characters that end up seeming to not fit in their worlds or they end up coming across as stupid, which is a faster way to kill any connection your character even when compared with a character kicking a dog after stealing candy from a baby. 

So, how do you figure out the motivations? Look for reasons why your character is doing something. Talk to your friends about it. If at any point one of them tells you, "that's dumb, why would they do that", look long and hard at your characters and figure out what they really want and whether you have inserted the wrong character into this draft. 

Personally, I take it a bit far, making sure that even my "mindless" monsters have a reason and motivation for their actions, even if the readers never end up seeing it. You don't need to go to this level for your book, but I can guarantee that taking it that far will only improve how realistic your characters seem. 

My First Panel!

Its been a heck of a week. My headaches happen when the temperature/pressure can't decide where it wants to sit. That means that in summer and winter, I may have a bad migraine or a bad day, but in the other two seasons, I'll get weeks when I have headaches every day and migraines on worse days. This week was one of those. Still, I got my editing finished and will be jumping back into writing again, either tonight or tomorrow.

Despite having one of those weeks, head-wise, I had a great time though. The most interesting bit of news is that this year at WWC, I am going to be on at least one panel, which is awesome. I'm gunning for three, but I haven't heard on the other two yet. Part of the delay is that we're just not sure if it's still happening. But the most exciting news is that I am going to have a workshop all my own that I'll be giving on being an author/artist with aphantasia. The main difference between a workshop and a panel is that a workshop is just me giving the talk. It's going to be my first one so I'm stupidly excited and really hoping it still happens this year.

The only other bit of news I have is really no news. I haven't heard back from my editor yet. I'm not worried and I've been keeping myself busy trying to finish book 4. Don't worry if I don't get book 2 back immediately. As soon as I finish book 4, if two hasn't arrived, I'll be picking up book 3 to start editing it, so I still have tons of work to do.

And that's where I've been all week. Hopefully, I'll be able to report back that my headaches have disappeared with warmer climes next week and book 4 rough draft done, if not book 2 in my hot little hands. Either way, you'll be the first to know!

Stats!

It has been way too long, but I finally have some stats for you.

The original title for this novel was just "Kuzunoha's Story", which changed just before last Nanowrimo to Kitsune-Ken. Kitsune-Ken, while an awesome name, didn't really apply to just this story, so it became my series name. Just last month, the final name I chose suggested itself... Hunter.

Kitsune-Ken (狐県) is the name of a Japanese game. It's basically a type of rock, paper, scissors game, where your choices are Hunter, Fox, and Village Head, though I always remember it better as Lord. The game is played by making hand symbols, like in rock, paper, scissors, but instead of just one hand, you use both hands. To make the sign for Hunter, you move your hands to mimic holding a rifle. To make the sign for Fox, you put both hands up above your head as if they were a fox's ears. To make the sign for Lord, you sit up straight and lay both hands on your legs. In the game, the hunter beats the fox with his gun, the fox beats the lord by tricking him and the lord beats the hunter by being of a higher social class. Perhaps unsurprisingly, there is also a version of this where players lose an article of clothing each time they lose a round.

Hunter was originally 175 pages long when finished and was 76,224 words long. The current version is only 169 pages and 65,263 words long. The original chapters were much longer; I only had 34 of them (and one was nearly 15 pages). The current version has chapters much closer to each other in length; about 4 pages average and has 41 chapters.

The first 17k were written during Nanowrimo nearly two years ago. However, I admit that what I'd written was essentially trash and it sat around on my hard drive guilting me into doing something with it. At When Words Collide 2015, I started playing with it again and apparently had sudden realized what was supposed to happen. I worked on that first 17,000 words and applied essentially heavy cutting and editing techniques before nano and cut it down to nearly 10 of words that would need to be re-written, but would do as a starting place. During Nanowrimo, I wrote another 68,635. but somewhere between 1,000 and 4,000 of it was notes on characters, places or future storylines that didn't fit within the bounds of this novel.

Kuzunoha is the main character and she has the lion's share of the chapters at 21 out of 41. Richard is the next biggest character in the story with 13 chapters. Skylla has 3 and Jocelin and Himiko both have 2. This means for all of you that want a lot of female viewpoints in your books that about 2/3 of this novel is written from a female viewpoint!

And I think that's where I'll stop. Do you guys have any questions about it?

Maybe Hemingway Didn't Like Long Sentences

          Just a quick update this weekend. I have been busy all weekend and have finished editing my first five chapters, Most of it required almost a complete rewrite and certainly a lot of editing. One thing that's been helping me is a new online program called Hemingway App.

          Its an online editing app that you can plug your writing into and it will tell you about your work. It is against long sentences (perhaps because Hemmingway was?), but it also tells you when you have passive writing and catches all your adverbs. I don't make all the changes it suggests, but its nice, almost like having an extra set of eyes.

          My work is about 8,000 words done 5 chapters in and 22 pages long (after including page breaks). According to the app, it would take about 32 minutes to read it so far.

          I'm hoping that I'll be able to keep to five chapters a week. If I can, I'll have this ready to send out to a professional editor by the beginning of June. Lets hope I can. I really want to get this novel out for all of you!

Finally Done!

          Yes, you read that right! Things are finally moving! I finished Kitsune-Ken, Book II on Tuesday and celebrated by having a bad movie night and dinner out with my husband. I'm sure that some of you want to know the exact details, so here they are. My final draft came out to 72k and after removing the obvious stuff (paragraphs and pages that needed to be written while I figured out where I was going but are obviously not going to be staying in the manuscript) that total came down to 68k. It is 127 pages in Microsoft Word, written in size 11 Calibri at 1.5 space between the lines. A bit shorter than my other novel, which I believe finished at 71k, but I know I'm missing a chapter or two so that total may get longer when I begin editing.

          Since finishing it, I've been taking time off from the books, instead working on more mundane things... designing business cards, registering my Press company name and such. As soon as I've purchased the cards, I'll save a picture and post them here! If I may say, they totally rock. It will probably be a week or two before I can post the picture. I'm holding off until I have registered my name and have created an email address.

          I can, at this point, let you guys know some of my good news. I will be attending When Words Collide in Calgary again this year. In fact, I may even be one of the presenters of a workshop dealing with uncommon world mythologies and how to incorporate them into your novels. Although nothing is set in stone just yet, my name is currently set with the workshop, barring limited interest or scheduling issues, I should be a presenter this year. I will also be attending the banquet this year! The theme is steampunk and if you haven't made a decision on whether the banquet is right for you, consider it!

          I think I'll have to stop here though and tell you more later. I can say that I have begun editing Kitsune-Ken, Book I and as soon as I have figured out how much work it should take, I'll update you on how long editing will be taking. If all goes according to plan, I may have it all finished for an early fall release date... Keep your fingers crossed!

Frazzled + Frustrated = Winning Combination (not)

          This week has been frustrating in a few ways for me. For one, I have not finished my novel yet. I have moved forward on it, but the scene that I though was only going to be one, turned out to be three scenes and one of them included a battle, which I admit, I sort of suck at. They are one of my banes right now, which means that I tend to stress out trying to write them in the first place and that I need to spend a lot more time trying to have them make sense. So I am on the third scene of that set, where they find out that the monster they fought had been carrying the items they had hoped not to find. I should have two scenes after this one (crosses fingers) and then I'll be done. I have finished nearly 8k worth of words this week so despite my appearance of doing nothing, I have accomplished something. 

          The other bit of very interesting news that has left me a bit frazzled this week is that I may be a presenter at When Words Collide 2016 (Calgary's biggest writer/reader convention that I know of). As in, I am listed on their website for a panel. I'll let you know when its been confirmed for sure and until then, I'll be preparing for it. Right now my big thing is creating a logo... something to put on a business card and my novels that will make you think you of me when you see it. My husband came up with a brilliant idea... I'm going to keep a lid on it until I've got it drawn though. Yes, I will most likely be drawing it myself. I took art all through school and actually considered going into animation professionally, so I should be able to handle this. If I can't, then I'll commission an actual artist to do it for me. Either way, keep an eye out for that!

          Since I generally suck at keeping everything straight in my head without a to-do list, I signed up for one. Habitica is a site where not finishing daily goals means that your avatar gets hurt... an actual issue since your avatar has hit points and equipment and can defeat bosses and take part in challenges. Basically, its like playing an rpg except that your quests are items on your to do list. When you accomplish a task you get in-game gold and silver to buy equipment, like better weapons so the tasks you complete will do more damage to monsters, or health potions for when you can't finish everything and you take damage. It seems pretty interesting, though this is only my second day using it... I'll give you a more detailed review later when I've used it for a month or so. 

This is my Avatar in Habitica. Her current equipment is a training sword and a set of mouse ears... until I find fox ears they will have to do. As you can see,  I took damage for not meeting a health goal. My XP is going up decently though!

          Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm running away. I have a list to finish working on!

So Close!

          Today's post will be short, because its 11:30 pm and I've worked hard. In the last two days(one of which was my wedding anniversary), I have managed to write 4,909 words. I have finished all of the climax scenes and I have only two epilogue scenes left. Probably another 2,000 to 4,000 more words to finish this. Since I'm already at 63,040 words, it means that I will hit 65,000 words on this rough draft, which is a more than reasonable total. Of course, I'll know the exact total after I've finished and gone back and deleted all the stuff that clearly wasn't working, which could be as much as 3k. Still, in the next few days I will be finished.

          Have no worries, I will post here when I have finished the book and totalled up all the numbers. Also, I should have a downright awesome surprise to share soon. I just need to confirm something, but after that I should have some very interesting news coming down the line!

          Lastly, since all work and no play is one of the fastest ways I know to kill my motivation, my hubby took me to see a movie I have been waiting to see for months now. Zootopia! The movie rocked it in my opinion. It dealt with big issues of gender and race in a way that made it easy to see ourselves in it, while also making us laugh, tear up or gasp at the danger. It was a wonderful movie, and I suggest everyone run out to see it. It will be going on my shelf when it comes out!

Poster is property of Disney. I'm just posting it because the movie was awesome.

Far-Seeing from 56,000 words

          From the lofty place of 56,379 words, I can see a bit further than I could when I was only at 50,000 words. The first thing I notice, is that I have a lot more writing to go... okay, not a lot, but more than I thought. At my best guess now, I have 1-2 more chapters (1.5 - 2k each) to get out the end conflict of my novel. I'll also have an expected 2 chapters and one tenuous scene of epilogue material (another 1 - 2k each) which means that my novel will probably be end up being around 62,000 - 63,000 words long.
          The second thing I realize is that despite the advice to write every day when you get home, it can be really difficult, even when you're excited as hell to write. A few weeks ago I hurt my foot and despite taking some heavy duty anti-inflamatory's and some pain killers, my foot is still really hurting me when I get home from work. It means that either I'm being too tough on my foot or that something more serious is up with it (more on that when I see my doctor in two weeks, so until then, I'll take the prescription and do what I can).
          The third thing I've discovered is that sometimes life likes to kick you in the gut just to see you spew all over the ground. I'd rather not talk too much about it here, but I've got family that got some bad news from the doctor... not life-threatening, but it could be life-changing and it leaves me feeling uneasy. At least, I can say that life took me out to dinner before it kicked me in the gut though.
          This last thing I'm going to talk about has nothing to do with my writing life or life kicking me in the gut. Near the end of February, I signed up for WowBox, a Japanese Candy subscription box. It finally arrived yesterday. I got some pretty awesome stuff in it, but the main thing I've taken away so far is that these snacks thus far have been insanely sugary.  Good/Bad, I'm still deciding, but sugary, is something I can say with conviction.
          That's it for me today though... hopefully, I next time I write in this blog it will be to tell you I'm done my novel! We'll see though. I'm getting close, but it all depends on how much time I have to work over the next little while. Either way, I'm looking forward to it.

A New Chapter

          Getting back into writing is always more difficult than falling out of it. Despite that, I have written some this week and have made sure to rest my hands as well. I'm still reading insane amounts, 24 finished already, 2 on the go and another just waiting for me to pick it up on Monday.

          I know, not much of an update. Mainly because as I've said, getting back into the habit of writing is much more difficult than falling out. I did realize that I've only taken 10 days off so far, which isn't a lot. Also, I got a full 1000 words in yesterday, despite working which is awesome. In fact, Kitsune-Ken book 2 is already over 40,000 words, so I don't think I need to get too down on myself.

          In fact, I think I'll get back into it and leave you with a little bit that I wrote. As usual, its a mostly unedited bit this one from book 2. Which reminds me... I was thinking of starting a monthly newsletter where I can keep you all updated on my schedules, when my novels will be out and share short stories or chapters with you in. What do you think? Would you be interested? What else would you like to see in a newsletter?

          Jocelyn smiled at the children as they rushed back to their homes inside the city. They grinned and waved back to the dancers, but behind them, he could see their parents. They glared at the troupe as though they had tried to kidnap the children, rather than entertain them. 

          It was the same in every village they stopped in. The people liked to shop the small amount of goods they carried from town to town, they liked the dancing and entertainment their group put out. The problem came afterwards. There was no trust sent their way afterwards.

          He may have never bought into the belief that all of them were thieves and sorcerers, but it was obvious that all too many did. Surviving beyond the walls wasn't as difficult as people who lived in towns thought. In the month that he'd been on the road, they hadn't even been attacked. Monsters had some intelligence obviously. Why attack a group of obviously skilled and armed humans when you were bound to lose?

          He turned back to the carts, glad that the day was over. When they were near a town, everybody had to work. With his skill at healing, he sold 'cures' to the people. Nothing that would hurt them, but more alcohol than herbs generally. Jocelyn had added actual tinctures and creams to the business, so that some of their cures would actually work, making it less of a snake oil proposition to sell. 

          He turned and saw that not all of the villagers had returned home yet. Two young women were still talking to Lady Marda. He wasn't close enough to hear the conversation, but he did see the girls leaning forward, their eyes wide while she spoke. They finally looked at each other, a knowing look and each glanced around before taking a bracelet off their hands and passing them over. 

          Though Marda took these with the proper amount of solemnity, they were almost certainly not worth much. Most likely, they would be cleaned up and then sold a few cities away for a pittance.

          He smiled and nodded at the girls as they walked past him. The taller girl, a rare beauty with dark hair and a naturally dour expression flushed and then turned away, rushing her steps. Jocelyn fell back a step. It had been like the first time he'd ever seen Kuzunoha.

          Like then, he wanted to help her, to make her smile. He could have slapped himself. Kuzunoha had cheated on him and broke his heart. The last thing he needed was to be thinking about her. He felt a hand touch his shoulder he turned, his teeth bared in a smile.

          "You ain't 'ngry t'at herr." Lady Marda said, her accent as thick as ever.

He nearly snapped at her; almost lost it. He was very proud of the fact that his voice was only tight.

          "You are correct, Lady Marda."

          "So? Wat's 'ou 'ngry 'bout? Who'd you left behin' to burn like 'dis?"

          "Everybody." He whispered. Then he glared at her. "Shouldn't you know already?"

          Fairy tales told in her cards. He didn't believe in cards that told the future. Maybe a god's oracle could, but not a woman with a pack of painted paperboard. He expected her to get angry at him. Instead, she barked out a laugh, as grating as the rest of her.

          "Wha didn' you chus say you wanted a reading, boi? I could see my way to dat."

          "I don't want a reading." He ground out.

          How did you tell someone you were making fun of them and not sound like a dick? The answer was despairingly simple. You didn't. He stayed quiet, watching her face go from smug to a little bit sad.

         "Ya. You sad you ain't going to see dem again. Twon' ease you heart to know, but you ain't gots to worry 'bout dat."

          "Yeah, you said I need to worry about killing people and mourning a monster."

          "It was true." She told him. Statement of fact, not the defensive whine it should have been.                   "You gonna find dem freends and den, one of 'ems gots to die. You'll mourn and you'll kill the one dat do it. I ain't gots to pick up a card to tell me you future. It written in every line o' muscle."

          "If I believed you, I'll be more worried." he told her.

          She shook her head. "Jocelyn, you be 'ngry, so 'ngry. It burn de air 'roun you and make a corona 'a hate. You gonna destroy youself dis way. I worry you gonna take that gurl over de edge wit you."She turned to Salla, putting away her swords. She didn't sell anything. She was there to make sure that nothing was stolen that wasn't supposed to be. A guard on their side. 

          Jocelyn was struck silent for a moment. "I would never do anything to hurt Salla."

          Marda raised an eyebrow. "You don get to decide. You a'ready made da choice.... you chus don know it yat."

          "How would you know?" He hissed.

          She looked confused. "You don believe dem gods dat gave you your powah would let you be free, do you?"

           His eyes widened. She waved him off as if she could read his mind.

          "I ain't gonna tell. T'ain't my secrat. But da gods... de harsh mastahs when you don listin. You gotta know who dey is to know what dey want."

          Salla's voice interrupted them. "Jocelyn, Lady Marda? Are the rest of the townies gone? We could use your help in the camp. In particular, Clive will need your help tonight Jocelyn. A lot of those townies brought their stuff in for us to fix."

          Jocelyn nodded and turned away. "Good evening, Miss Marda."

          He didn't wait for a response. Instead he moved off towards the smithy. Talking with Marda always made him want to hit something. His vision blurred and he saw the snake-like dragons again. No god he knew had a symbol like that. But if Marda was right... then he was on the right track. He'd find out what this god wanted of him, then he'd do it and demand that the powers be taken away.

          He would finally have the life he craved. With a nod to Clive, he put on the thick apron and gloves eagerly, picking up the pincher from the fire where Clive had set a bit of iron for him to heat. 

He put it on his anvil and paused hearing the sound of a bell. He tapped Clive and both heard the call over the dying sound of Clive's hammering. They paused. Two bells meant strangers, but this late on the road, who could be coming up? Even the townspeople had returned home already. They paled as the bell rang a third time.

       "Mongrels." Clive swore.

         Jocelyn was already turning, a gutteral barking, like sick foxes, behind them. Coming towards him and Clive were four creatures, a little bigger than a child of ten, with brown mottled skin, big ears and teeth dyed orange with old blood. Their clothes looked like they had pulled them out a human garbage, stained and ripped in places, none of it matching.

         Jocelyn's hand reached down for his blade and found nothing. He must have forgotten to put it on. He swore and chose the hammer as a better weapon than the hot tongs. Clive had a curved sword in his hand, though Jocelyn hadn't seen him draw it. 

          The creatures howled, realizing they'd been spotted.

          With a sinking feeling, Jocelyn tried to grip the hammer tight in his hand. As the first creature neared, he swung at it. The creature didn't even stop and he realized that he'd swung before the thing was close enough to hit. He cursed, trying to bring the hammer back around. It was so heavy it was hard to control but he managed to get a glancing hit in on the next one. The thing shrieked and jumped back grabbing its ear and crying out its pain at a level that hurt Jocelyn's ears. Still, so long as it was screaming, it wasn't fighting. It meant he only had to deal with the one creature.

         He turned trying to see the other one and felt it's claws run over his back. He hissed feeling the cloth rip and dig into his flesh. Dragons flew before his eyes and he could feel the cuts on his back burn slightly, healing him. He pulled back on the power before it healed him completely. If he healed it completely there would be questions. 

         He snarled at the stinging pain and hit the monster in the cheek with his hammer.

         The creature's skull didn't crack. Instead, it dented the things head in, but didn't seem to damage it. The thing hissed at him and bit at him, catching his hand in its mouth. Jocelyn could feel the sharp teeth chomping at his hand, but fortunately, the thick leather gloves he was wearing stopped the teeth from digging into his flesh. 

          He pulled his knife and stabbed it into the back of the creatures skull. Where the hammer hadn't done much more than frustrate the monster, the knife slid into its head with ease, parting its skull like it was some sort of jelly.

          He pried the teeth away from his wrist, seeing that the teeth had almost made it though the leather. He dropped the hammer and swallowed back the bile filling his throat. It was acidic, tasting like the cheese from his sandwich at lunch. He took a deep breath and spun towards the sound of distorted barking behind him, just in time to see Clive slice the last thing's head off.

          Sickeningly, Jocelyn could see its bones deforming, almost as if they were melting. He turned away, throwing up. He shivered and heard the bell ringing in another pattern. He couldn't concentrate on the pattern though. Were there more of the things coming for them?

           Clive's heavy hand on his back helped. "It's alright man, we repelled the attack. Finish throwing up. The first time is always the most difficult."

           He shook his head and swallowed. Clive passed him a cup of water. Jocelyn took it gratefully.

          "Thank you." he said after a sip. "I was fine until I saw..."

            He gestured towards the creature and Clive nodded.

          "The mongrels do that whenever they're hit. They form back up solid soon after, but it makes them almost impossible to kill with a hammer."

           Jocelyn shook his head. "I meant the... melting."

          Clive's response was casual. "Yeah, most monsters leave behind actual bodies. Mongrels just melt away though, leaving nothing but the junk they were carrying, pitted and scarred to hell. Why'd you use the hammer anyway?"

          "I don't have my sword on me."

           "That's a stupid thing to do on the road, even if an attack is rare. Where's your sword?"

           Had it been in his room? He remembered taking it off the night before. Jocelyn shook his head.

          "I can't remember right now..."

          "Grab it before dinner, if you don't want Marcus and the others ribbing you all week. You head to the centre and make sure nobody needs to be stitched up. I'll take care of the bodies over here. Tell Marcus you left your sword here if he asks, in the creature you killed. You'll still get ribbed, but it'll be less than it would if he knew you'd forgotten it completely."

           Jocelyn nodded. His heartbeat was slowing finally, but his stomach was still roiling. "You'll be alright?"

          He had work to do and he could process what had just happened when people weren't injured. 

          "Hey, you got hurt? You okay?"

          Jocelyn glanced at Clive. The man was staring at his back. Jocelyn stretched out his shoulders, trying to make the move look casual. 

          "I hardly even feel it. I'll ask Marda to take a look if its still hurting later though."

          Clive nodded and Jocelyn headed towards the centre area, stopping only long enough to grab his healing kit. 

What I've Been Up, Two

          Hey everybody, I have a novel update to chat about today!

The idea for the character Kuzunoha first came from a character I made for a roleplaying game. Here is the mini I painted for her. The sword is way too long for a wakizashi though.

    

          Since I'm hoping to publish the first Kitsune-Ken book later this year, I knew I'd have to get on writing the next volumes since this is going to be a series. The first book follows Kuzunoha Tanami, the bastard daughter of a rich merchant family, while she works to find independence from her sister, going on a very literal treasure hunt to find it.

          The second book continues with the same characters (though with a few new viewpoints added), as they leave their home town of Hidalgo for the city of Kevettika, the capital of the neighbouring country Kessel, where some documents found in the last book suggest that the Tanami family may still kin living there. 

          Of course, all of your favourite characters will still be there. Jocelyn, Richard, Salla, Skylla, Himiko, Kuzunoha, and you'll find new characters to know and love!

          So, why am I writing the second book before I've even edited the first book, and more importantly, why am I taunting you with updates about it when you can't even go out and buy the first book yet? 

          Well, I knew that I would need at least two to three months between writing a book and editing it. I didn't want to leave the characters without doing anything with them for that long and I didn't want you to have to wait double that for the sequel
. Thus, writing the second book and then editing the first, followed by writing the third, then editing the second and so on and so forth. As soon as I've edited it, I'm going to send it to a professional editor and then set a date for publishing. At that point, I'll begin looking into covers and all the rest, while doing any changes that I need to make as suggested by the editor.

          As for the second part of the question? Well, that should be obvious. I taunt you because I'm a writer... and that's sort of our schtick. 

          Keep an eye out for updates, and the occasional rocking scene here.

Grasping Worms and Squishy-Brains

Bleh. I am sorry for the long delay. I have been trying to think about what to write since Monday, and due to Nano-Squishy-Brain, there was nothing. For those who haven't heard the term before, Nano-Squishy-Brain is achieved when you are so deep into noveling, that you're more living in the world of your novel than you are in the real world. For example, if someone asks if you're hungry, you'll be able to answer yes or no, but not when you last ate or what you're in the mood for. The person asking would have a better chance of getting an answer if they asked what your Main Character is in the mood for.
Any way, I finally figured out that I could just post something that I had worked on for you. So, here is the chapter that I spent all today working on! Let me know what you think in the comments below!

Chapter Thirty Four

       Jocelyn entered the Koi and nearly left as every eye turned to look at him. Not that he should be surprised by that. It was a small town with plenty of travellers. Everybody wanted to know if it was a friend or a stranger joining them that evening. What he didn't like was the confusion. Like they didn't know which category he fit into any more. He felt a small touch at his side and looked.

       It was the smith's youngest daughter, Carol. She was mature, her hair bound back into a matron's hair clip. Not a single hair out of place. He'd met her around town, but the first time he'd actually gotten to know her was earlier last year when he'd helped deliver her son. What had she named the boy? Calvin?

       "Jocelyn," Carol said.

       "Carol? What do you need?" he asked taking a step away from her.

       "I didn't ask before, I didn't know to ask... will you bless my baby? I want him to grow up strong and healthy..."

       She moved the baby towards him. Jocelyn held up his hands and moved away.

       "Carol... I helped you deliver him. I'm not... I'm the same guy I was then."

       Her eyes filled with tears of relief.

       "So you already blessed him? Jocelyn, thank you."

       She moved Calvin into the crook of her arm and grabbed his hand. She tried to kiss it and he yanked it away. She looked like he'd tried to slap her or worse slap Calvin.

       "Carol, I don't... I'm not holy. I'm not..."

       "You're blessed." She said, looking confused. Then her expression turned stricken. "You don't approve of Calvin?"

       "Calvin is fine-"

       "Is it me you don't approve of then?"

       "Carol, I like you fine... Ow!"

       Something had caught at his hair and a few strands tore out of his scalp. He turned and saw Donal, the tanners eldest son.

       "Your hair... it will be a blessing." Donal stammered before running off, the strands protectively held near his chest. Jocelyn moved to run after him, but shook his head in disgust instead.

        "I'll just have to hope he isn't planning on eating it or something... My hair isn't a blessing..."

        "Gods damned right it isn't. Now, I want to know why you didn't fix me when I broke my arm."

        Jocelyn turned again, feeling assaulted at this point. Was everyone moving closer or was it just him?

       Sam was there. He was older than Jocelyn, dark unwashed hair and a long dirty beard. His eyes were dark and his skin, yellowish. He'd broken his arm falling from a height a few years back. Jocelyn ground his teeth.

       "Your arm was fine. It didn't need to be Healed. All it needed was rest."

        "I lost nearly three weeks of work due to it. Do you only use your powers to help your ex's? Or did she put out again with that little harlot you started keeping recently when she started sleeping the nights at your place? Is that why you healed her?"

       Three weeks to heal a broken arm and the man had the nerve to think Jocelyn had done nothing? Had he been here helping so long that they took quick healing for granted?

       "Kuzunoha wouldn't have healed on her own. She was dying..." Jocelyn growled.

       "Yeah, what about my arthritis? I guess that isn't important enough to matter?"

       They were moving closer, surrounding him. That last had been from Joel. He was old, one of the community elders. He'd owned the tailors until he'd passed it down to his daughters.

       "I've been helping. That's why you come to see me every week."

       Healing Joel once a week made the condition manageable and arthritis wasn't life threatening to begin with. Speeding up the body's natural healing cost him nothing and he'd always done that freely. Healing like he had done for Kuzunoha, that would kill him. Slowly, but it would result in his dying before his time all the same.

       "If you really cared you'd take it away forever!"

       Joel moved forward to punch him and Jocelyn stepped out of the way. The old man tripped and fell to the ground. Argent, the bartender, stepped forward before anyone else could move.

       "Hey, this is my bar. I'll have no fights in here, especially not with Hidalgo's healer. Blessed or not, he's safe in my establishment."

       Joel and Sam snarled and left, taking three others with them.

       "Thanks, Argent." Jocelyn said.

       He was shaking. How had the town's mood turned from respect to hate so quickly?

       Argent picked up another glass and a cloth.

       "I remember when you helped my momma. She nearly died of the flu, didn't because of you. Whether you healed her or Blessed her, I got nothing to say. You did your job in my book. Sit down. You and your girl eat free, as always."

       "My girl..." Jocelyn felt a touch at his arm. Salla was smiling at him.

       "Come and sit down."

       He nodded and then flush guiltily, remembering what Sam had said about her and Kuzunoha.

       "Salla? How much of that were you here for?"

       She sniffed out in annoyance.

       "Enough. It's alright though. I mean, I waltzed in and took the best looking guy in town from them. They were never going to like me. I will say that I'm surprised to get it from the men folk too. Normally it's only the women that are the vindictive ones, fearing I'll steal their husbands and sons."

       "It isn't true. What he said." 

       About anything, he wondered? Jocelyn wasn't sure. Kuzunoha certainly hadn't tried to steal him away from Salla... only because she didn't want him though. She'd made that clear when she'd cheated on him.

       Salla took a drink. The mug was half empty; she must have been in here before he got here.

       "Of course it isn't. I'm not a harlot and you haven't been keeping me. And while I wouldn't put it past Kuzunoha to try it, I know you well enough. I have no worries on that front."

       He sighed.

       "You've been here months. I'd hoped they would start accepting you as one of them."

       "Jocelyn, you remember how long it took for them to accept you, right? Hell, some of the old men here still refer to you as "the new boy". It's something that people in towns always feel. They're close-minded."

       "I'm going to have to do it all over again."

       "Do what?" Salla looked confused.

       He gestured. "Leave. Work to be accepted somewhere else."

       "Why would you want to leave? You've got a good thing going here?"

       "Did you see what just happened? It's not that I want to leave, it's that I'm going to have to."

       "Jocelyn..." She put a hand on his arm. He shook her off.

       "This is serious." He told her. "The first time I healed someone I was seven and my best friend had fallen wrong. She'd broken both her legs. I fixed her. Within a few days everyone was acting weird, begging my parents to see me. They were hated when they wouldn't let anyone. Still, they didn't really start worrying until a man dressed in royal livery came to my home. He told my parents that the high lords wanted to see me, to see if I was Blessed. We all knew the stories. Kids held captive and used only for their power to keep the lords and their high mucks happy. I don't want that. We left that night."

       "I think you're over reacting just a bit."

       "You think I should have gone to work for the lord?"

       "By the gods, no." Salla said with a laugh. "Those high lords are all the same... grasping worms who want everything. Everybody who gets that much money and prestige becomes one. If they don't start that they, they turn that way. No, what I think you've over-estimating is your community. Your people. They'll accept you again. But they have to get used to the idea of who you are now. Give them some time."

       He wanted to growl, but it seemed reasonable. It had only been a day. That also meant that it had only taken a day for hate to develop. Better not to think that way though. He was so worried that they would never accept it though.

       ''I can do that. Give them some time to come to terms with it."

       "Good. We can work on some of your other problems."

       "Other problems?"

       "Kuzunoha for one. How long will it take before she's fully healed?"

       "She is fully healed."

       "She's... what?" Salla said. "I saw her this morning. She did not look healed to me."

       "All of the illness in her was cleared when I healed her. What she is now is weak from blood loss, bruised, beaten, dehydrated and suffering from malnutrition. Richard and Shasta confirmed that she pretty much stopped eating after she got hurt. She was only drinking water and slim broth and she drank less and less of both every day. But all she needs is water, easily digestible food and time."

       "Good. When she's around we don't seem to have time for each other."

       Jocelyn leaned his head back. 

      "Trust me. I don't want her in my home anymore than you do. She'd been be gone soon. Another two, maybe three days and that's it."

       "Where's she going to go?

       He didn't answer immediately. He didn't know.

       "She has money. Even if she's still too stubborn to go home to her sisters, she had money to pay for an inn."

       Would he really send her to an inn? Three days after she'd nearly died? He corrected himself. Three days after she'd ruined his life a second time.

       "Good." Salla put her hand on his. "I'm less that fond of her. She can be self-centred, vain and catty."

       "She is that." He agreed.

       "So if we leave, where will we go?"

        "We?" He hadn't thought about that. What would Salla do if he left? She responded before he could.

       "You thought I wouldn't come with you?" She seemed disappointed by that. "Jocelyn, before I stopped here, I'd never lived in a town. Why would I stay here without you? I wanted to stop moving around, I wanted to know where I'd be the next day, where I'd be working. But I'm about ready to go on the road again anyway. Oh! You could join my familia!"

       "Would your family accept me?" He asked. She laughed.

       "You're blessed. Of course they would accept you. It would take time for them to trust you since you're a townie, but having a good healer, especially a blessed would be a huge blessing for the whole kompania."

       He puffed out his breath. Because he was blessed. Everything would be fine because some god had decided to meddle in his life. Maybe the gods should have given him some sort of a map or a purpose along with the powers he was granted. The truth was he'd never wanted to be blessed. He'd wanted a quiet life. Living with a woman he loved. Could he do that on the road? He could do that with Salla?

       He didn't know.

       "I'll keep that in mind. Maybe. Would you be up for travelling somewhere else instead of with your family?" She smiled, proudly.

       "Jocelyn, do you know the history of my people? We believe that the goddess Denina chose us.  She wanted people to follow her and so she danced in the sky to let everyone see. Those that saw her twinkling footsteps swore that they would learn that dance and began travelling, searching for the old ways and the ancient knowledge. Our eldest tell us that our travels are the dance. What I'm saying is that so long as I left a message for my kompania here, their well wishes would follow me everywhere. Decide where your heart is leading. So long as ours remain in accordance, I'll be by your side."

       She lifted her hand and put her palm to his. It was a strangely touching gesture. He felt connected with her. It had been a long time since he'd felt so comfortable with a woman...

       He shied away from that, turning his mind over to wondering how he was supposed to figure out where his heart was leading him to? It was easy for Salla. She just followed her goddess, dancing among the stars, apparently. The gods of his birth parents had never laid such a clear path for him. He venerated them, the lady of winter and lord of summer, but he didn't worship them. How could he worship any god, not knowing if it was the one that had Blessed him, or worship another, knowing that some other deity had believed in him so much that it had blessed him at birth?

       Now that was an interesting idea. Finding out what god or goddess had marked him, might help him find out what exactly he was supposed to do. Perhaps he could even find out more about being a blessed. Find out what others had done before with their blessings.

       If he had more information, he could find out who his god was. That would be the first step to finding out why he'd been blessed. Where could he find that much information? Not in town, clearly. But he had heard about a huge library somewhere up north... He'd ask about it, see if he could find out where it was.

       He smiled at Salla and their hands, still touching. He stood and kissed her, winding his fingers between hers.

       "Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about."

       She kissed him back.

       "That's what I'm here for."

Crabs and Writers Block

Today was one of those days that is most difficult for me. It's a day when the stress of working and writing both as full time jobs starts getting to me, my word count starts dropping a bit and then it starts actually getting hard.

In particular, I had a killer attack of writers block. It was stupid. I knew what I needed to write (a scene involving them setting up camp and not finding the clue of awesomeness they needed), but I couldn't write it. My first 400-800 words were all tell and no show, my next 400 were tired and staring around bleary eyed while my mind figured out the problem and shared it with me. 

That problem was that despite knowing the scene that fit in there, I didn't actually know what the purpose behind the scene was. There was no goal, no conflict, no nothing. It was two people setting up a camp-site, describing the landscape and not arguing. That isn't a scene. That is a bone dry factual account. 

Unfortunately, as is usually the case, I had to figure out what the scene was about. I almost gave it up as a lost cause when I finally figured it out. And oh my was it a stupid thing that set me writing again. 

CRABS. 

Yep, it was crabs got me writing again. Little ugly brown crabs that walk sideways and have pincers that look more like shovels than weapons, but are still as sharp as a dull pair of scissors. I don't even know if the little guys exist (its a fantasy and a rough draft, I'll figure out that part later). 

I now know what the next chapter includes, how the crabs and the landscape play into it and what they end up doing during it. I will have to rewrite today's chapter but that will be for later, for a time after Nanowrimo is over. In the meantime, just remember, sometimes it is the stupidest of little things that will get your plot moving again if you are stuck.

Like crabs.